Sue Scheff: What if Your Teen Was Here to Teach YOU?

Author and educator, Sue Blaney has written some fantastic parenting books targeted at teenagers. I recently received her audio and workbook set on You’re Empowered! Parenting Teens with Conviction, Communication and Love, and cannot believe all the fantastic information she has included! If you have a tween entering into “teenhood” or have a teen – this is great resource for you.

I also check in with her Blog too – Please Stop The Roller Coaster, and this week the subject of what can your teen teach you is one I had to share.

By Sue Blaney

You’re probably pretty tuned in to your role as “teacher.” To teach your teenagers the skills, values and lessons you feel they need, you use every tactic available to you; you coach, advise, demonstrate, direct, cajole, arm-twist, model, lecture… and more. This is an important, vital even, part of your role as parent. But consider that maybe the reverse is true, too…maybe your child is here to teach you as well as learn from you. If this is true, how would that change your relationship? How might this alter the way you communicate? Would this change the way you look at your teen?

What are the things you have learned from your child? I’ve learned patience, creativity, and how to approach things differently at times. I’ve learned how to give space when all I really wanted to do was hold on to them tighter. I’ve learned to rely on faith that things will work out, even if I’m really not terribly confident.

I marvel at how looking at my daughter is in some ways like looking in a mirror for me. This is less true in regards to her wonderful qualities than it is when she is doing something that is annoying. When I’m not too caught up in the moment, I do have a little voice that points out there is a lesson here for me. More often than not it is because the behavior I’m witnessing that is irritating is behavior that I exhibit myself. Her behavior – and my response to it- can teach me a lot in those moments… but those are the most difficult moments in which to take in this lesson.

Try it. Try to focus on what your teen can teach you, even when you find yourself at odds with him. He’s treating you with disrespect? Perhaps that is a good time to practice a humorous way to redirect the interaction. She’s late for curfew and you’re worried sick? Perhaps here is where you get to practice the art of staying firm without expressing anger. She’s tactlessly treating her younger brother as though he is subordinate and stupid? She didn’t pick up this attitude, tone or manner from someone you know, did she? Truth be told, too often that nasty tone that comes out periodically around here sounds a little too familiar to me.

Ponder this question: What is my child teaching me? I’d love to hear about what you learn.

Follow Sue Blaney on Twitter @sueblaney

Sue Scheff: It's Up to You - Child Obesity

IU2U.org - It’s Up to You….

What a great informational website on child obesity, eating healthy, and learning about how to make healthy changes in your family’s diet

What are kids eating - Kids’ Food has Excessive Sugar, Fat and Salt - learn more details here: http://iu2u.org/kids_food_trends.php

Effects of Obesity - It’s not just a “weight problem.” Learn the many ways becoming obese at a young age can affect a child now and in the future. Click on the figure below to see the effects of childhood obesity.

It’s Up 2 U!

12.5 million American children are obese. By 2010, this number will increase by 20%. Isn’t it time we make a change? Get on board with the Fit Kids Act today at http://iu2u.org/sign.php

Then, check out the four-week Chiquita Family Challenge complete with menus, daily fitness and activity charts , kid-friendly recipes from Chef Robert Rainford and lifestyle tips from Dr. Oz’s HealthCorps at http://iu2u.org/change_family_habits.php.

Learn more at http://iu2u.org/index.php and join their FaceBook group at http://apps.facebook.com/causes/271974

Sue Scheff: Teenage Girls and Parenting

Oh, I love getting introduced to new websites, books and more that help parents today with their wonderful children that have reached teen-hood. Debra Beck is an author and mentor helping parents understand peer pressure, bullying, self body image and other issues that our kids face today. The following article, written by Debra Beck, is an example of the vital information she has to share with others.

Are We Training Teenage Girls to be Great Deceivers?

by Debra Beck

I read all these articles about keeping a close eye on our teens, to make sure they aren’t making any bad decisions and they are safe. I listen to parents discussing the same issues. How close is too close and what are we teaching our teens, without even knowing it? We read her journal, get on to her My Space account, and listen in on her private telephone calls. Are we sending a message that we care or are we sending a message that we don’t trust our kids?

There’s a fine line between trusting your teenage girls and staying attentive to their safety
The first thing you are teaching her is that honoring some one’s privacy isn’t that big of a deal, if you really need to know something. You are also teaching her how to become an expert liar and a good deceiver. She will learn how to become really sneaky, because the more she knows you are doing these things, the better she will get at learning how to hide them from you. When you push up against something or someone, there is no choice but to get stronger. That’s the way things work. If you are protesting something, the side that is being protested has to get stronger to stay alive. We don’t want to help our teen practice these behaviors. We want to help them make good decisions for themselves.

To trust our teens, we must first understand thatthey are teens, and honor their privacy.
Give them the room to be teens, and give them the guidance to learn how to become responsible adults. These teenage years are the years that they are starting to pull away, testing their own boundaries. Don’t push them away more by being a parent that expects them not to be a teen, and will do anything to make sure that they are not behaving like one.

Be a good role model to your teenage girl: you wouldn’twant her peeking in on your private life.Don’t peek in on hers either.

Looking at their journal, checking their My Space account and any other sneaky behaviors will push them away from you. Then they are on their own to make decisions which they may not be capable of making. To be available for them you have to understand them and respect them. Just because they are younger doesn’t mean they do not deserve to be respected. We need to help them to become adults who make good decisions for themselves.

By respecting them we help them become respectful adults as well. We want to set a good example, through being a good role model, so decide next time before you peek in places your teen might prefer you didn’t what kind of role model you want to be? Ultimately this will be more valuable than anything you could come across.

For fifteen years, Debra Beck has done workshops with Girl Power, a program sponsored by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services that is dedicated to helping “encourage and motivate eleven- to sixteen-year-old girls to make the most of their lives.” Her book “My Feet Aren’t Ugly” will resonate with teenage girls and their parents equally for its sound advice and helpful suggestions, based on the author’s own experiences.

Sue Scheff: Parents Everywhere Podcasts!

Parents Everywhere is a great resource for parents! Suzette Boyette has developed a website offering Podcasts of great conversations with professionals, educators, authors, parents and more!

Learn More:
Parents Everywhere’s mission is to educate parents to be more effective so they may raise healthy families. Parents Everywhere envisions a world with effective parents who have powerful loving connections with their children. Children grow and flourish in supportive and peaceful homes. They become not who we want them to be, but who they are meant to be.
Founded in January 2007, Parents Everywhere first began as an idea to help parents in Central Florida become more understanding parents by attending workshops and classes. Within months, the passion for answering the need to give parents more tools in their ‘parenting toolbox’, evolved into an energy all it’s own. Others soon were just as excited to have a voice in sharing their expertise and helping families become stronger. By the end of the year, Parents Everywhere became more than just a company. It is a family whose entire focus is holistically enriching the family unit. This family now includes a dynamic group of truly special individuals who are experts in their fields and are constantly providing positive energy to keep the vision as a priority!
Today, Parents Everywhere connects people from all over the world (such as Ireland, the Ukraine, the Philippines, and Australia) to listen, to learn and to give. Parents are encouraged to listen to the Parents Everywhere Network of educational Internet radio shows/podcasts. With their own flair and unique personalities, our show hosts develop a special connection with their listeners. Each show discusses various topics that invite parents to truly listen and learn. It’s almost like visiting over a cup of coffee.
Parents are also given opportunities though the Parents Everywhere Resources to learn by attending local classes and workshops on various topics regarding parenting and family health. With fun and interactive sessions, parents become empowered with the much needed education they need to be more effective and loving. Their entire paradigm of parenting is shifted into a more positive direction. They also learn how to take time for not only themselves, but also time to reenergize their own marriages. Parents become whole again and thus, parent more effectively.
Finally, with the Parents Everywhere Foundation, parents have the chance to make a difference in their children’s lives and in their own communities. By sharing this powerful experience as a family, they change the life of others as well as their own. When they give, families see they do make a strong impact on the world; making differences that last a lifetime. We share with them the various ways they can give back by highlighting the fantastic organizations around our world.
The company is guided by the core values of honesty, integrity, and generosity. The parents are the source of inspiration and the children are the reason Parents Everywhere continues to grow all over the world. Help us spread the word and see what happens.
Parents Everywhere strengthens family connections with education.Listen. Learn. Give.

Sue Scheff: Promoting Citizen Leadership

One of the most important parts of any community is the local school system, and it’s easy for concerned parents and good citizens to become intimately involved in some important aspects of school decisions. Becoming involved with local schools helps decide the direction of the youth in your community, which is of the upmost importance for the success of any community system.

A simple way to begin your citizen school involvement is by attending school board meetings. School board meetings help decide most of the important aspects of a school’s future, including school curriculum, dress code policy, disciplinary measures, budgeting, hiring teachers, new school buildings, and a variety of other things. This is one the best ways to be a part of local school decision making, and if your school board is elected it allows you to vote on school board members while understanding the types of administrative issues that my affecting your kid. At the very least, attending school board meetings provides you with a better understanding of how to be a productive citizen in both the community and school system.

Many schools also seek volunteer help. This work could include anything from grading papers to providing transportation on school field trips. Most public school systems in this country are overcrowded and underfunded, so any volunteer work is looked upon favorably and can help the schools function better. In the end, maintaining the education of our younger generation is always a major part of a good citizen’s workload.

Another great way to get involved in education is organizing after school programs. Many schools have after school programs that they coordinate with volunteers designed to give kids something productive to do after school. Keeping kids out of trouble after school and stimulating them with meaningful work is an excellent way to promote community involvement and healthy learning. Studies show that kids who participate in afterschool programs and extracurricular activities are much more likely to succeed in school then those who don’t.
Become part of your government. Click here.

Sue Scheff - Parenting Teens Blog

About.com: Teens by Denise Witmer offers a wealth of information for parents dealing with today's teens. Take a moment to learn more!

Denise D. Witmer has been a "professional parent" at the Masonic Childrens Home in Elizabethtown, Pa. She worked in the adolescent buildings from May 1988 - September 1997 and again from May 2003 - July 2006. She was very active in the teen development and independent living programs.

She is the author of the book, The Everything Parent's Guide to Raising a Successful Child: All You Need to Encourage Your Child to Excel at Home and School. Her advice has also been featured in US News and World Report, Better Homes and Garden's Raising Teens Magazine, and USA Today online and has been referenced in several books for parents of teens, including Surviving Ophelia.

Check out her Blog at http://parentingteens.about.com/b/2008/11/17/parenting-teens-blog-round-up.htm

Sue Scheff on Global Talk Radio - Calling All Authors by Valerie Connelly

Valerie speaks with Sue Scheff about her book, Wit's End "Resources for Saving Your OUT-OF-CONTROL TEEN," and Kathleen Duey, about her book, "My Animal Family." Also, Ramona Rubio joins to discuss her book, "The Alchemical Woman."
Listen here: http://www.globaltalkradio.com/shows/callingallauthors/

Sue Scheff On The Dottie Coffman Show

What a pleasure to speak with Dottie and her audience about parenting and my new book "Wit's End!"

Listen to the Podcast at: http://www.bigstickradio.com/DOTTIE_COFFMAN_SHOW.html

Wit's End! By Sue Scheff

With peer pressure and social influences at all-time highs, many good teens are making bad choices, placing intense emotional and financial strain on parents and families. Lack of motivation, substance abuse, negative peers and gang affiliation are just some of the common challenges facing kids today.

To help address these and other issues, parent advocate Sue Scheff has announced the release of her new book, “Wit’s End: Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen.”

Scheff’s book chronicles her painful journey with a struggling teenage daughter and also offers advice, resources and help to mothers and fathers forced to make tough choices regarding their children.

“In the MySpace generation, kids are under more pressure than ever before,” says Scheff, author and founder of Parents’ Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.), an organization that assists families with at-risk children.

“This book will be an invaluable resource and allow parents to learn from my past mistakes,” she adds.

As a single mother in the ‘90s, Scheff struggled to raise her teen daughter, who embraced disturbing friends, beliefs and behaviors. Ultimately, Scheff was forced to utilize a residential treatment facility as a way to instill discipline and structure.

What happened next was chilling -- stories of beatings, sexual abuse, forced starvation and neglect all surfaced from the very facility that was supposed to be protecting and rehabilitating Scheff’s daughter.

In the years following her ordeal, Scheff championed for safe alternatives for at-risk teens and began helping other parents who were facing similar challenges as she once did.

Published by Health Communications, Inc., “Wit’s End” is an extension of the assistance Scheff has been able to provide to families over the years.

“Parents need to know that they’re not alone,” says Scheff. “This book is a much-needed guide to avoid the pitfalls and will ultimately help expedite the healing process.”

For more information, visit http://www.witsendbook.com .

About the Author

Sue Scheff is the founder of Parents’ Universal Resource Experts (http://www.helpyourteens.com ) and is a sought-after interviewee and speaker on topics such as Internet abuse, struggling teens, cyberbullying and defamation. She has been featured on 20/20, CNN Headline News, ABC News, Fox News, The Rachael Ray Show, Lifetime Television, NPR, BBC Talk Radio and has appeared in the USA Today, Wall Street Journal, Washington Post, Miami Herald and San Francisco Chronicle.

Sue Scheff: Live On Purpose Radio

From: Dr. Paul Jenkins

Hello Parents!

Thanks to all of you who were on our call today. We had Sue Scheff on as our guest, who shared some remarkable resources and her personal story about dealing with her out-of-control teen daughter. You just may want to save a copy of today’s call for future reference, or to share with people you know who might be dealing with this right now. Our association with each other is one of our greatest resources – thank you for being part of this community of parents!

Visit http://www.parentalpower.wordpress.com/ to pick up the audio content – we are getting close to having this available through iTunes so you can just subscribe and get it automatically. Stay tuned.
http://parentalpower.wordpress.com/2008/06/24/sue-scheff-at-wits-end/http://parentalpower.files.wordpress.com/2008/06/062408.mp3

Sue Scheff on MomTalk Radio

Maria Bailey is a Parenting Expert and Host of MomTalkRadio. I was privileged to be on her show talking about my new book "Wit's End!"

My podcast page will be updated shortly with the Podcast of the show.